Life Apart

Are there ever moments in life when you just want it all to be done with and there be no issues in your life. I think we all have those moments. Right now I am struggling with so many things that it is just not funny. Honestly, I live my life and it just seems like everything is against me.

Let me start at the beginning.

I already told you about my boyfriend. Well, it is so complicated now. I am over 1000 km away from him so I dont exactly get to see him every day, or every other day even. Honestly, for the past two weeks we haven't skyped and I was getting so frustrated because he was always so busy. Yes I was busy too, but atleast I would try to skype him. Then when he was free, I wasn't. We text all the time, but then again, not that much because we are just so busy. I just have no idea where this is going.

Absolutely Confused 

I got into a relationship with 2 weeks of actually being with him and dating, and then I left and moved away. So pretty much it is purely long distance. I mean I really like him, but the question, do I love him? I dunno. We are two months in and I don't know if I want to stay with him forever. For me, dating is to figure out if you want to marry him, and right now, I think my answer would be no, but how am I to know for sure. Like, what if I am only thinking with logic rather than my heart? What if God wants me to be with him? Every time I try to talk to him about it, he is like, "yeah we need to talk" but he doesn't say what is on his mind. One time he just said that he can tell I am stressed and it is coming out in what I am saying. UGH.

I was told that dating was fun, well, this isn't! I am just so confused by everything. Do I stay with him? Do I break up? I just don't know. When do we learn and find out what we are supposed to do. I know that each relationship is different, but I want guidance. Am I thinking too much about myself, and not about others. I don't know anything anymore. If any of you have advice, please give it. I don't want to break up because I like him, but does it go further than that? Will it ever? I don't know, and I don't know if I can see him in my future because of where he wants to live and I can't live there due to asthma. Am I being selfish?

At times I feel like he is becoming clingy, but maybe it is just because he misses me. I have absolutely no idea. Right now, I am straight up confused. Aren't girls supposed to feel like princesses when they have a boyfriend that is super sweet and says the nices things to you. Well right now, when he says nice things I feel like absolute crap, so guess that fairy tale is wrong. HELP

Completely and absolutely confused,
Not-So-Princess Lizzy

Assignment

So, I guess you are really sick of my homework, but I can't help it. I don't know where else to journal. :) So here goes. Today I need to write down my prayers. You don't have to read if you don't want to.

Dear Lord,


Everything is starting to seem so hectic. I can't ever focus on my prayers. I start and then my mind wanders, and I am really sorry about that. I just want to thank you for allowing me to stay at college here. I am so tired of trying to find the funds and trying to come up with some money so that I can stay. The fact that my grandparents church is willing to give me money astounds me. How you could have put it on their hearts to be willing to give money to someone most of them do not know is so touching. I just don't know what to say about it. Lord, I want to thank you for everyone here at college. They are all so kind and no one is condescending or rude to me. I love working as a cashier in the kitchen on campus because I get to see so many faces, and can maybe bring a smile to a few of them. 


You have given me so much and I have given so little in return. I guess what I am trying to say is I don't know what to say. You have blessed me to the fullest extent and I can't give anything in return.


I would like to pray for a few things, and I know that you don't keep tabs of such things, but I want to thank you in advance. Please I pray for 3 people that I met online at powertochange.com. Thank you for allowing me to be a mentor there and I just pray that everyone that I meet will be willing to listen to what you have to say through me. Help Lou Lou with her addiction lord and help her realize that you love her and will help her overcome that addiction. Be with Cher as she struggles with deaths in her family who were not followers of you. And calm PC as she books an appointment with the doctor and discoveres why she is feeling so terrible all the time. Lord God I just pra that you will help these three women in their struggles and allow them to draw closer to you in their times of need.


I would like to thank you for my brother, for it is his birthday today, and you love him dearly. I just would like to ask that you would give him and his wife a good day and that he would feel your presence as he is beginning to age lol. 


I also would like to pray for the girls in my dorm unit at college. M is really struggling with addiction, and K is healing. L is trying to overcome the past. The rest of the girls - J, J, A, N, D, A, T haven't shared yet, but Lord I pray that you will guide their hearts and minds to know what you desire for them to share and that you will help others to understand what they are going through and comfort them. 


Thank you so much Lord, and I just pray that your will be done, and that you will have your hand in everything I mentioned  today.

Struggling, but happy,
Not-So-Princess Lizzy

Amen