So what do you think a beautiful woman looks like? Maybe a woman with perfect hair every day, or a stunning face, a perfect body? We define one of the most important terms for a woman with such derogatory and negative definitions, it's no wonder we are so broken and seek the wrong sort of men to make us feel loved.
I read a book recently by Chad Eastham called "The Truth about Guys". Yeah, I know, sounds cheesy, but I really wanted to hear what he had to say about why we think the way we do, and how we need to change our thinking before we find that "Dream Boat" guy us girls always wish for. I found the following excerpt extremely fascinating.
A Girl's Value Menu If you could choose to be either of the following hypothetical girls, which one would you prefer?
Girl A: When a guy looks at you, he thinks most guys don't have a chance. Not because you are too beautiful or because you're mean, but because you don't seem interested in all boys. A guy sees you and knows it is going to take a lot of effort to develop a friendship with you. He's going to have to use his heart and his head if he's going to have a chance at any type of relationship with you. When a guy makes an effort to meet you, he stares into your eyes as though he is trying to see right into your heart. He's there to help you, not harm you. He wants you to know you are really important and he wants the best for you. He compliments you for no reason at all, and he doesn't require something of you at the end of the sentence... or the evening. He looks out for you, even when you aren't looking out for yourself. A guy who spends time with you wants to make you laugh and smile. Seeing you giggle when he looks at you makes him happier than most anything. He simply wants you to know you are wonderful, beautiful, and deserve nothing but the best, with no strings attached. And he doesn't want anything in return for this at all.
Girl B: A guy looks at you and thinks you are a mighty fine piece of meat. He thinks you look like someone that he can try some new stuff with. He knows he doesn't have to marry you in order to get you to do whatever he wants. He's determined to win you over tonight - and by "win" he's only thinking of his own satisfaction and pleasure. He doesn't really care about meeting your needs - especially not in the long run - as long as you can meet his. he wants something from you, and he figures that with minimal effort you'll probably give it to him.
Drum Roll: ...Believe it or not, guys love friendships and relationships, with Girl A! The thing to note her is that you are the person who determines which girl you are seen as. Let me say that again. It's not up to anyone else to make that decision - it's up to YOU!
A girl who displays her sex appeal, a party girl, or a loud-mouthed, insecure girl who is craving a guy's attention all the time likely isn't going to be swept off her feet by a handsome prince who just wants to stare into her eyes all day. Not that you just want to be stared at, but you get the point
Likewise, a girl who doesn't use her body in sexual ways to get attention, one who cares about her reputation and has goals and relationship standards ahead of time, is not going to settle for anything less than someone who cares for her. She refuses to be seen as a target, so guys don't look at her and think she is prey. She has those rules written all over her.
Guys see the instructions for girls ahead of time - before we get within twenty feet of them - so we know if we want to start out on their terms or not. Every girl may want to be seen as valuable, precious, and as someone to be treasured. But in reality, many girls who want to be treasures actually look more like targets; they just can't figure out why!
Remember: you have a heart perfectly designed for you by the greatest of designers. Your heart is there for you to take care of, so when you expose it, it will be cherished and taken care of in return. Allow your heart to be so wrapped up in God that a guy has to ask for directions to get to it
The best guy in the world cannot give you everything you need. He can't be perfect. He can't fill your voids. Most important, none of that is his job. A guy doesn't want a girl who needs him to be her dad. A guy doesn't want to convince you that you are beautiful. He wants to sit in admiration of your beauty! But he can't do that unless you let him. And you can't let him until you believe it yourself!So what do you think? Is Chad right? Do we really need to project ourselves differently, because the way we act is drawing the wrong kind of guys? Are we looking to guys to fill our voids, and we are allowing them to see how broken we are, therefore they are better able to use us and abuse us?
I believe that Chad is completely right! He hit it on the spot. Girls always seem to be needy. We are never perfect enough. There is always someone better, and we are always comparing. Learning to be content with who we are is never easy, but if you want a healthy relationship with the "hero" of your life, that is what you need to do!
1 Peter 3:3 says, "Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear."
Do you rely on outward things to feel beautiful? I was challenged last year to fast for a week. I decided that I didn't wish to fast from food, but from makeup. From then on, I have strived to be able to go a day a week, or at least one day in a month without makeup around a boyfriend, your best friends, your work, anywhere. Just go a day without. It may seem hard at first, but ti is so empowering, especially the more you do it. You learn to be beautiful for who you are internally, not just the beautiful on the outside.
On that note, another verse about inner beauty. Galatians 2:20 - I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Did you catch that? Christ lives in us, and there is nothing more beautiful or empowering than that. We have life because of Jesus' sacrifice. When we live to let him flourish within us, we glow like never before. It is time you let Christ shine through you!
Before I let you go for the day, I want you to read the following passage from Proverbs, and just study the words. They are powerful, and some might not make sense right now, but don't worry. I'll go into detail for you later on!
The Woman Who Fears the LORD
PROVERBS 31:10-31
10. An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11. The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12. She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13. She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14. She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15. She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16. She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17. She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19. She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20. She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21. She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
22. She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23. Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24. She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25. Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26. She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27. She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28. Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29. "Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all."
30. Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31. Give her the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.
Feelin' Empowered,
Not-So-Princess Lizzy
